Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had sex on a dog bed..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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