i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
