yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
