I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
