Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
