Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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