Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
