maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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