she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They took my balls.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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