I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you will always have a special place in my vag
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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