it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
