I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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