guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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