3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
