Ketchup is God's man juice
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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