mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
