I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
