I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
should my penis look like a turkey
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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