Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
