omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
