he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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