if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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