I faked an abortion last night.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
