Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
