If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so let's talk penis.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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