so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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