he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
