all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
