I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
