I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
