so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
