What a fucking waste of an outfit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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