Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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