Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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