Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
