I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
