Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
