I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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