So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
