it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
