apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
