and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
