i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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