The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
