I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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