New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
