sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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