so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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