She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
