made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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