I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
