Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
