I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
