went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
