I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
