Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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