Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
