Screwed.edu
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
