I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
