Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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