You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
