So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
