I faked an abortion last night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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