I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
