Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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