My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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