Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
