she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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