i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
PANTIES FOUND
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
