Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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