I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
MIDGETS
????
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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