I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
