I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
