We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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