Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
