I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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