Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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