Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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