Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
