I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
